Blah Blah…what have I been up to lately? Well, I’m actually reading the bible! Going to church ever so occassionally. And hmmm…getting excited for the LA Marathon. Nope, dearest reader you din’t read the last sentence wrong. The adjective ‘excited’ added in front of LA Marathon written by Jill? Is that the same couch potato who didn’t even want to unglue her butt from the couch in time to get a bowl of ice cream for the movie Independence Day? Hahahaha…Well, you’ve got it correct. Lately, I’ve been doing things I never fathomed doing in my lifetime. Okay, don’t get me wrong. I’m not uber-religious now or anything remotely close. I’ve just come to appreciate the wisdom of christianity and the bible. Something just clicked and now I feel that maybe there is a God. And as for being excited for the LA Marathon? Well, guess what? I’M NOT RUNNING IT!!!! Hahaha…so don’t be too shocked. My lover boy is going to be running his ass off and not me. I’m just an accesorizing, all-encompassing cheering machine that will make him feel better if I’m there. Now, you’re saying “I’m disappointed in you?” Well don’t be. I’m still running the Emerald Nuts 5k run/walk-a-thon. I have been eating english muffins in the morning (gotta get some kind of carbs) and then running every day. I even went to A Snail’s Pace in Laguna Hills to purchase some running shoes. Apparently I’m an Overpronater? That means ‘the roll’ of my feet tend to go inwards as opposed to even or outwards. The place is a great store for runners. Has almost everything. Including those gross GU gels. Man I hope I never have to run a marathon and suck on gel. It just sounds so nasty. Okay, who am I kidding? I think I might be more excited about the pasta dinner the night before the marathon/5k than I am about the running the next day. But we don’t have to tell anyone about it right? That’ll be our little secret. Wish me and the boy luck!
Why I’m pleased: After my first run I woke up like I was black and blue all over. I think I’m just starting to get my running legs. Today I woke up feeling excellent and in tip top shape. Maybe the glucosamine pills helped, or the running shoes. But either way I feel on top of the world. The arches of my feet were hurting too but I am actually using 6 oz. cans of apple juice to massage them. Rolling them underneath my feet make them feel better hehehe…I just popped them in the fridge so they’re icy cold too. I’m sure I’ll feel really good today. I’ll see if I can go running. Maybe I’ll take a break. Dunno yet.
Looking Forward to: Succulent lettuce on a bed of grilled burger, onions, cheese, tomatoes, and onion bread. Baked crinked fries. Cherry sparkler. Seeing L! Mhhhmmm…my mouth can’t stop watering and it’s only 9:30 am. Dang it! Well, I can be the dog in Pavlov’s experiment hehehe…Ooohhh also running today, showering after my run, drama, and sleeping.
Not Looking Forward to: A/P check batch, collecting money from mean people that owe our company mucho bucks.
Yah! Profile picture change again. There’s me at the Asian American Expo a couple weeks ago. Man the thing was a disappointment. I mean it was just one mass marketing scheme, designed to get hapless asians to purchase real estate, water heaters, or re-fi their houses. hahaha…we’re such suckers! Anyhoots yup there’s me. Enjoy.
BUBBLE AND SQUEAK (England). Fried-up leftovers, of variable composition, normally should include at least 2 of the following: cabbage, carrots, onions, potatoes or mashed potatoes. Should be fried until a crisp layer forms on the outside.
Dearest reader, here is your gastronomic term for the day.I’m dreaming of travelling the world to sample wondrous food. The reality is I’m stuck here in a dimly lit 4×4 cubicle. Maybe someday I will get the chance. My co-worker says I’m like a walking gastronomic dictionary. So I should impart my knowledge and newly learned information to whomever would like to know. So when I’m inclined I will write about dishes, gross food, gastronomic terms, etc…just to make you dear reader more worldly!
Today Is: Chinese New Year! Just thinking of the longan, rice wine congee makes me I can hardly wait for dinner!
Frown on: Bratty kids pestering parents and relatives for red envelopes. I mean joking about it is fine but really asking many times is so disrespectful. Have some class and don’t ask for red envelopes this year. Do yourself a favor and maybe the envelopes will start rolling in. Sometimes when the timing or situation is right what’s yours will come around. You don’t need to strain yourself too hard.
May your spring be full of warmth and happiness! Go home and enjoy dinner with your family. Even if you’re not Chinese. You don’t need a special day to celebrate all the beautiful things in your life.
Well, I can’t put it any better. But simply that what Shakespeare says is pretty much true! “Love is merely a madness.” Take a trigger point of an insignificant issue blow up the dynamite that is the real problem and sit back and watch two people who are passionately in love torture and taunt eachother. But I’ve always known my own propensity to be dramatic, melancholy, and impatient. Much like Aries the god of war. I’ll rush in to any battle fully with my head as the battle ram and my wisdom rendered useless. Oh, how I wish I could be Hermes that clever god with the silver tipped words and winged tongue so I could have swayed you to my beckoning. Alas, the dog can never change the fact that he licks himself, the human can never really change his own temperament. But that doesn’t mean that the dog can’t learn to also bury his bone, watch for his owner, and be more of a help than a nuissance. All I have to say of my entry before last is this: I’m way over it and on to a better and brighter future. For those of you that ever saw the entry you are probabky imagining the end of my relationship. You’re fathoming what can possibly be so dramatic? Is it an episode from the OC? Or Days of Our Lives? It’s quite simply a lover’s spat in which a few misunderstandings and differences of opinion made me really depressed. But only for that one brief moment because you see dear reader that the subject of that depressing entry was indeed my dearest love. However, methinks that the pleasure I glean from this relationship still outweighs the burden and pain. So I’m happy to announce that I haven’t thrown in the towel on my relationship yet. I believe we have an even better relationship because we had the opportunity to straighten some things out. Today is the day my L will come back from Philly and I get to see him. I missed him dearly over the weekend! Just imagining him warming my bed for me makes me blush hehe…And as L’s bday and Valentine’s Day is approaching I am so grateful that we have each other and I really have not regretted every moment I’ve spent with him thus far. Dear reader, you’ll see how beautiful he is over time. Just don’t let my dark entries scare you silly like it scares me!
Mood: Giddy and Effervescently happy!
Looking Forward to: L’s Safe Return home, Victoria Secret’s Private Shopping Event tomorrow at South Coast, Maggiano’s for dinner tomorrow evening, Chinese New Year’s Dinner on Wednesday (Mhhmm…double fish, mabo tofu, potstickers, rice, and longan sweet soup!), Payday, and L’s B-day/Valentine’s Day
Not Looking Forward to: The rest of the day (Too much work and anticipation!), Payroll Submission, and V-day (Court Day)
New Toy: Beautiful Traveler’s watch with dual time so you can record 2 different time zones. I’ve been using it to track the hours, minutes, and seconds until L’s return!
If life and love was like a bouncy ball wouldn’t everything be better? What does that mean? Well, that means that for the amount of effort that you put in to something than the return or ball would bounce back with an equal force. Nothing works that way in this world. No matter how hard you try nothing is ever fair. But instead love is like sand the tighter you try to grab on the more it leaks through your fingers. If you just let go then it will stay in the palm of your hand. Maybe I’m still idealistic about love. I think about all the low things that people I’ve dated have done to me then I really begin to feel abused. I always think that effort and kindness can solve everything. In the ideal relationship, everyone would work things out together. It doesn’t matter come hell or brimstone. I am fully convinced that if someone ever did something to make me angry and I wanted to cool off I’d tell the other person what I feel. I’m truly convinced that if you saw me in person and talked to me you would realize how silly we are and just hold me and we would be alright. That is why I tried to find you. And if I do fit in to the stalker/psycho profile that was but for a moment. And I know that if I needed time to think things through I would not ignore you and not answer your phone calls. I would have the decency and the balls to discuss things nicely with you. Why do I ask you if you love me? Do I really know if you love me deep down? People who love you don’t antagonize you and ask you over and over again for months why you didn’t break up with them. People that love you don’t threaten to break up with you when any sign that the going gets tough. People that love you don’t make you wait endlessly. Don’t ignore you. Don’t go to your mom’s office and tell her to tell you we need to cool down. People that love you don’t have their colleagues lie for you that you aren’t there. People that love you don’t yell at you when you have an observation or an opinion. People that love you don’t give up on you that easily. People that love you don’t disappear at intervals when they feel like it or it’s not convenient for them. How am I to trust you if we are married and you just skip out of the house when you feel like it? People that love you don’t think you’re a stalker/psycho because they should know better than that. So now what? You want to cool off. Okay. For how long? For a year? 6 months? Indefinitely? I only remember that you said “I’ll remain faithful to you.” Well, starting from tonight I’m going to get my act together. I’m sick of feeling like I was blind-sided by a truck. I’m sick of being considered as a stalker. I’m sick of feeling betrayed and wish I was blind sided by a truck. I’m sick of hurting so much and feeling bad. I’m sick of being so abused and trying so hard. I’m sick of having my work pile up because I feel so betrayed. I’m sick of feeling sick. I have alot on my plate right now at work, and for my upcoming trial. I don’t need to have any more distractions. I’m sick of being sick. I’m going to let you go. And if you want to talk to me you can come and find me for a change. Because if you really wanted to work things out, you have a phone too. Not just me. You have a car too. Not just me. If our timing permits and we are meant to be then it will eventually work out. If you never find me again, then I’ll consider myself single when I feel truly single. Have a good trip to Philadelphia. Please extend my condolences to your family members. I have InStyle and I remembered you wanted to read it on the airplane. I was going to give it to you tonight but I guess not.
Mood: Really betrayed and tired.
Happy that: I got my book that I ordered “A Day on the Farm”. Reading it brings me back to happier times when I was young and my family was still together.
Unhappy that: I think of the “Happy Farmer” song you played on the piano and all the nice memories we had together. I wish I can forget everything that’s ever happened because let’s just face it love is a very heavy and responsible word.
Apologetic for: That I disturbed you and made you lose sleep and productive work time. For that I am apologetic.
“If at this point you still say you love me, well I don’t know what to say to you anymore.”
Wow, I’m actually updating again! Two days in a row. Geez…Hmmm…what’s going on? I guess nothing more than the usual. I had the gnarliest dream. It was so surreal. Imagine this. At the beginning of the dream I’m pulling up to a vast and beautiful country estate somewhere. There are autumn leaves falling everywhere like the first signs of a fiery snow. I get out of the old-fashioned looking car (It seems to be sometime in the 1920’s) and as I walk up the extensive cobblestone driveway I get a sense that I’m being followed. I turn around but there is no one. Then I proceed to knock on the humongous door and there is a resounding echo. When the butler (Who strangely resembles my mom) opens the door I hear holiday music, laughter, and the tinkling of crystal champagne glasses from a part in the house. I’m inexplicabaly drawn to the noise coming from some part of the house. So I search for the room. But the house is so big that I first come to a kitchen. I see all kinds of delectable foods which I proceed to pig out on. There were guavas, apples, oranges, marzipan, chocolate torte, mac n’ cheese, and salisbury steak. There were meat pies, ice cream, and little sugar spun faeries. At first I dug in but somehow I felt really sick and queasy afterwards. So I threw everything up. Then I remembered my purpose was to find the room where the beautiful music was coming from. So I resumed my search. I pushed door after door open but I found nothing. Finally I found this magnificent ballroom complete with Crystal chandelier. As soon as I stepped through the doors my clothes were instantly transformed in to a billowy white and pale blue ball gown. I had a tiara on my head and glass slippers. There were so many people when I went in, but one by one they disappeared. Slowly a figure stepped out of the blur of people and asked me to dance. I finally clearly saw his face and it turned out to be S. Then one by one all my ex-boyfriends took turns and spun me around the ballroom until I was breathless. The butler called to the guests with a small porcelain bell in the shape of a lamb that dinner was served. Everyone trooped over and it was the tasty feast that I partook in earlier. I was so turned off by the good food that I sat there poking at it. When I looked up again all the guests turned in to wolves. And they were all grinning at me with beady eyes and hungry looks. They were licking their chops in anticipation to a nice dinner which I highly suspected wasnt the feast on the table. I was so scared so I took out my cell phone and called L. He assured me that he would come and save me. He told me I didn’t have to worry. Just then the butler came in with Michael but he was also a wolf in britches. The butler told me we were missing the magical branch decoration that would light up the whole manor and keep the place eternal forever. She asked me if I could go with Michael to retrieve it from storage. I reluctantly agreed but was extremely wary of him. We exited the manor and took the car down the road. As we drove to the storage place the scenery around me changed to different eras. I felt very helpless and unsafe with Michael. I kept asking him where the storage was. And he told me I would find out when I couldn’t breathe anymore. I once again took out my cell phone an called L. He told me that he didn’t think he could come anymore. He had to go shopping with a girl named Alyssa. I told him it was important and I was afraid. And he told me that he hated to be told what to do. And asked me why I always annoyed him. I told him that I was scared and he hung up on me. We finally arrived at the storage which was at the end of the world. The wind was whipping my hair and the snow stung like a thousand needles. We descended the shaft of a dormant volcano and it was so incredibly cold. Finally we got to the storage. The doorkeeper of the storage looked so much like L but Michael told me that it was just a clone. If I looked closely the doorkeeper didn’t have a tell tale mole by his ear. So we went in and both of them (Michael and the clone of L) shut and locked each door after us. I became increasingly uneasy and told Michael that if you had it in for me all along then please get it over with. I had enough torture and suspense. Just do it. Michael half laughed and half growled and told me “What makes you think you deserve a fast and painless death? I want you to feel frightened and afraid like a worm on a hook.” With that he and the clone pinned me to the ice wall and who knows what they wanted to do. I noticed out of the corner of my eye there was a shady figure and his black horse frozen solid in the wall of ice next to us. I asked Michael “If you want to torture me and kill me then please tell me first who that person is.” Michael told me it was none of my business. Just then the wall of ice exploded in to a thousand shards and hundreds of the shards struck me and stuck deep in to my skin and heart. I didn’t even get a chance to see the figure who so miraculously came out of the ice when he charged with his horse and speared Michael in the heart. Once Michael the wolf was killed by the brave warrior there lay but a mere man in the warriors arms. Michael the man slowly stood up and asked “Where am I?” As my brave and tender warrior cradled my head in his arms I caught a glimpse of a tell tale mole near his ear, shakily I took my last breath and blacked out. I woke up at that moment with a start. What does this dream mean? It’s disturbing. Okay back to work.
Mood: No White Flags
What I’m wearing: Pure Sunshine
I dislike: Destructive people
I like: Conversation. Talking about anything stupid under the sun. Sitting there curled up in a blanket and shooting the shit. That’s my idea of a good evening. Constructive criticism.
Looking Forward to: Corinthian 13:7